Are You Waiting For A Career Invitation?
On Being Recognized Without Asking
From what I’ve read about Robert Prevost—now Pope Leo XIV—he never chased advancement. He was known, respected, and admired for the work he did. The impact he made was so evident that even Pope Francis took notice. When he learned of his bronchitis diagnosis, the Pope swiftly promoted Prevost to the highest order of cardinal. A colleague once suggested that this could put Prevost on the path to the papacy, a role he seemed perfectly suited for. Prevost shrugged it off.
We’ll never know for sure if he harbored a secret desire for advancement, but I admire the humility. Still, I also know that in today’s world, quiet do-gooding is rarely rewarded.
Growing up, my dad would proudly tell me, “You know, I’ve never once asked for a promotion or a raise—they’ve always just come to me.” His was a career in sales: clean benchmarks, clear targets, straightforward transactions. He regularly surpassed his goals and earned company-paid trips to Napa Valley, Hawaii—even New Zealand. His success was recognized and rewarded, the company’s way of celebrating achievement and nudging others to hustle harder.
I used to think this was admirable. The idea of groveling or begging for a raise seemed desperate and even a little pathetic. I believed that if you did a good job, you’d naturally be rewarded. And if you had to ask for recognition, maybe you didn’t really deserve it.
If only the working world were that simple.
Later, I realized that while my dad certainly worked hard, his promotions, pay raises, and company car also had a lot to do with his gender and race. For every 100 men promoted to management, only 81 women receive the same advancement. While 76% of men get promotions without asking, only 57% of women do.
So how do you get on the VIP list without feeling like an imposter—or worse, like an uninvited guest? How do you position yourself for opportunities without explicitly asking?
1. Get clear on what you want.
Many of us, myself included, want new experiences, new opportunities, new contacts—but we’re vague about the details. How can anyone think of us for advancement or invite us to the proverbial dinner if we haven’t articulated our desires?
When I was in college, I was broke—really broke. So I told my advisor that I was on the job hunt and looking for something better than my crummy work-study job. I didn’t ask her to help me or give me a job. I just named the need. A few weeks later, she called me into her office and told me about an opening at her child’s school. I applied, got the job, and more than doubled my pay.
Now, as a mentor to others, I find it frustrating when a mentee never actually says what they want. You can’t expect people to think of you for opportunities you’ve never expressed interest in.
2. Consider that this might not be your club.
The power of prestige is real. I’ve spent over a decade counseling young adults, many of whom are chasing seats at highly selective schools. I once had a parent say of her daughter, who was devastated by college rejections, “Sometimes I think she only wants to get into the clubs she can’t get into.”
I’ve met so many students and professionals barking up the wrong tree just because everyone else seems to be doing it.
Ask yourself: Do you actually want the promotion and everything it entails? Do you want to work at the company with the bigger salary but 60-hour workweeks? Are you signing up for projects or meetings because of the prestige—even though they secretly drain you?
3. Communicate your talents.
If you don’t know what you’re good at, no one else will either.
Yes, sometimes others spot glimpses of our strengths and nudge us in the right direction. But more often, we don’t put ourselves in situations that play to our natural talents—because we haven’t identified them yet. Try taking an objective aptitude assessment (like this one) to get the language you need to articulate what you’re good at.
There’s a big difference between saying, “Please consider me for this promotion,” and saying, “I have aptitudes that align with this role, and I’d be excited to contribute in that capacity if the opportunity arises.”
4. The opportunities you’re ignoring might be the ticket.
Sometimes I wonder if the things we’re most desperate to achieve simply aren’t right for us. What might we be missing in our stubborn pursuit of goals that aren’t actually aligned with who we are?
Maybe you’ve been asked, invited, or included in things that didn’t seem interesting or important at the time. Maybe you’ve already been on more VIP lists than you think—you just didn’t show up. Meanwhile, you’ve been waiting in line for other events you may never get into.
Let’s be clear: humility doesn’t mean invisibility. You don’t have to grovel or scheme. But you do have to speak up, show up, and stay clear on what you truly want—and be willing to see value in the opportunities you didn’t initially chase.